If I seem distant, lately, or upset,

If I seem distant, lately, or upset, it's probably because I am.
It's probably because I've reached my breaking point, I'm done.
It's probably because I've never been so tired of hearing anything as I am of hearing all the reason why it won't work, why it's irrational, why I'm wrong and why it's a waste of my life.
I don't remember asking for your opinion.

It's probably because the person I want to be is standing on the other side of the world, watching me wondering what's taking so long, why is she so frustrated?
It's probably because you're wasting my time and dragging me down.
It's probably because I don't want your advice.

It's probably because I'm depressed, because I cry some nights (maybe most nights) and I feel like I can't do it anymore.
It's probably because I still have to wake up the next morning and tell myself I can, even as you're shoving your petition in my face.
It's probably because I'm lashing out.
It's probably because I'm tired of being told I could be so much more. It's probably because your definition of "more" is my definition of "boring."
It's probably because I'm itching, my eyes are burning and I'm fighting my basest instinct to run like hell.
It's probably because I don't really want to hurt your feelings.

It's probably because I refuse to be chained down.
It's probably because I won't let your expectations change me, or your disappointments cause me to think twice about taking my leap. It's probably because it's my leap to take.
It's probably because  I need help but I'm too stubborn to ask, but I probably wouldn't want help anyway.
It's probably because I'm unhappy in just about every way, and most days it's hard to convince myself I can make it better after all.
It's probably because when I find a way to convince myself, you shoot it right back down.

It's probably because I'm afraid, or because I'm tired of defending you.
It's probably because I don't know how to make you understand.
It's probably because I could care less about my image as you see it.
It's probably because I care more about yours.

It's probably because you laughed when I told you my dream.
It's probably because you acted surprised when you realized I stuck with it.
It's probably because I don't want to worry about you.
It's probably because I can't handle your problems, and mine. Or because I just don't feel like it anymore.

It's probably because I am.



This is as raw as I get.