So, I went on a rampage today. (Not 'so' as in 'I mean to imply the previous sentence was the cause of the effect I'm about to describe,' but 'so' as in 'I'm about to tell you something that will make you roll your eyes and say "Oh, Lauren, what am I going to do with you?"') Someone posted a secret on the Postsecret app, saying something like "Men, YOU bleed from your penis for a week and then shove a melon out of your urethra and then criticize us." That's not an exact quote, I can't find the original 'secret' but it was something to that effect.
And, for some reason, it really set me off.
I have a serious, deep-rooted issue with women who say things like this. Please, do the rest of us a favor and shut up. Women who say things like this are usually the same women who demand expensive gifts and mope because real life isn't like The Notebook. Yeah, women have periods. We all know. Shut up about it. You don't hear men bitching about morning wood, or getting kicked in the balls, or having to pay for every stupid movie and festival and play you just had to see, do you? Rarely. And the ones that do are outnumbered 100 to 1 by women bitching about childbirth and their periods. And from my experience, women who talk about children/childbirth in the context of "shoving a melon out of your urethra" (which is a metaphor I have a problem with in itself, because the vagina and the urethra are COMPLETELY different openings with COMPLETELY different proportions) usually do not have children. My theory about this is that women who DO have children VALUE their children and are mature enough to understand that the pain involved in delivering the child is all art of the process, and that it is NOT ammo in the argument you are having with your high school boyfriend because he wouldn't do whatever stupid thing you wanted him to do. YES, women are the ones who have to feel the pain during childbirth. But women also share a bond with that child they birthed that no man will ever share with it. And not only that, but MEN have to put up with your crazy, pregnant ass for nine months. And don't even start, you know pregnant women are crazy. I'm pretty sure even pregnant women know pregnant women are crazy. And PLEASE don't start with the "Yeah but we didn't choose to feel the pain of childbirth, we just have to procreate and men don't appreciate how much it HURTS!" Actually, in choosing to have a child, you are choosing to feel the pain of childbirth. Don't wanna? Don't have a baby. Problem solved.
Now, I didn't go into all this arguing when I responded to the "secret" (which is what the posts on thsi app are called) but I did say that women like (the original poster) bother me and that being a drama queen about things EVERY WOMAN goes through is unnessecary. I offended a whole sea of people. One response in particular was a woman who said something along the lines of "Just because your period isn't bad, that doesn't mean no one's is."
Actually, I am diagnosed with (AND MEDICATED FOR) endometriosis. If you've never heard of it, it is a uterin disorder that causes the type of cells that typically grow within the uterus to form outside of the uterus. It causes abdominal pain, long/heavy menstruation, lower back pain, constipation/diarrhea, and possibly infertility. It once made me pass out. Guess what I did? I went to a doctor, and I got medication. And I don't whine about it to my boyfriend when I want him to do something. "BABBYYYYYY MAKE ME FOOOOD I HAVE ENDOOOO." No. That sounds stupid, and so would I. If you have cramps, take midol. If you don't want to feel the pain of childbirth, don't get pregnant.
But DON'T use your feminine problems as ammo against your boyfriend/men in general. They don't care and it makes those of us who handle our issues ourselves look bad.
Please and thank you.
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